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2025 was definitely a mixed bag of years for me, tbh I would've done this whole website project sooner since my account's existed for a hot minute.
For a while this year was a bit depressing for me; I was stuck in a major program that felt so draining on me physically and spiritually, for context, I had been pursuing Computer Science as my degree program because I was told that art wouldn't be enough for my future. The STEM environment was never my kind of thing, sure I've been called a smart cookie for most of my life from what I can recall; yes, I did enjoy STEM classes and I have a sincere appreciation for the sciences. Coding was ironically what I detested most in the programs I did for it (I temporarily dropped out due to many things), but computational mathematics theory was my favorite part of the program.
As said earlier, the environment definitely soured the experience for me and after taking on a job involving front-end development and consulting, I decided it wasn't my vibe. I can't help but find the tech bros who dominate these spaces too dominant in their snobbery and their snark towards my marginalized identities was not unnoticed. Not to mention the unabashedly ashamed usage of generative AI. If you can't even code a basic HTML page without generative AI, you should seriously consider a different job away from computer science.
I've been a major hopper for a while, with trying to stick to Computer Science as a secondary major, but nothing stuck for me. I took animation courses and while I'll always adore the artistry that goes into it, my disabilities cannot be reasonably accomodated enough to fit the typical harsh schedules of freelance animators. It'll always be a small hobby of mine, and I applaud anyone who is able to fully complete any kind of degree in the realm of Animation.
My calling came upon me completely unexpected through the form of my Creative Writing 101 professor; a pretentious but well-meaning man whose criticisms were harsh but all fair. Funny enough, one of my first childhood dream careers was to be a children's literature author and illustrator, I credit Marc Brown and Kevin Henkes as two of my very first art inspirations; I had been a private fanfic writer for many years and I would love to someday create comics or full novels of my original story ideas. Slam poetry was one of the many things I experimented with in high school, but white ignorance and experiencing direct racism within my local slam poetry scene pushed me out of writing altogether for years. If you told our 12 year old self that he would be barely half-way through college pursuing a Creative Writing degree at 22 years old, he'd think you're completely out of your gourd. I don't expect to publish the next modern classic, but in a world where artistry is dying in favor of famished phantoms echoing everything fed to its source, a comically evil machine, that calls themselves art, humanity needs art and art needs humanity more than ever.
If I were to give this year a title, I'd dub it "The Year of Risk"; I played a major risk jumping from Computer Science to Creative Writing, I put myself out there way more socially, I risked rejection from the man who's now my darling angel but was surprisingly met with with reciprocated pure adoration and love, I risked a lot with experimenting with my writing and art, I ventured out to explore creative non-fiction and science fiction books; one of the best things I did for myself was risk discomfort and sitting with it instead of running.
I risked looking into myself, knowing that I still have much to do with working on myself through my spirituality, my career desires, and generally working on what kind of person I can become, maybe that person will be stressed next year about graduation, maybe that person will experience loss, maybe that person will still struggle with the same things I struggle with now. Every morning I try to make it a habit to remind myself of how that person deserves to be here thriving through what I can become.
Jung's writing on the full-recognition of the self makes me consider how you can't rush this expansive discovery and that year only contains limited time, at least limited in human perception. I'm not picking four-leaf clovers nor knocking on wood nor selectively interpreting fortune cookies nor kissing the paper folds of a multicolored catcher, in the glimpse of maybe unlocking this full-recognition of the closest collective self I can be grounded in. Risk was a word that came with stomach aches, but now it's word embodied in a stim stress ball, ready to throw out there if it feels needed. I tend to avoid predictions or high expectations, for now school and my developing my writing are going to take most precedence.
I'm going into 2026, mouth filled with savory bean-filled pupusas and hopefully a cold one to go with that. 2026, I'm ready but already tired lol.